Michele Coleman, Ph. D. LMFT
By now you might have noticed a theme with my articles – they are all about YOU! This is because, just like with infants, we as the parent, are responsible for providing our adoptive child with a corrective experience. Our job is to attune to our child regardless of how they are showing up in relationship with us.
Have you watched the Still Face Experiment? If not, I invite you to visit YouTube and in the search field put Still Face Experiment. Here is the link if you can access it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0
This video highlights the attachment cycle. Mom connects with her baby and they both enjoy the connection. They both receive positive chemicals from the back and forth conversation, laughter, and eye gazing. When Mom stops responding to the baby, there is a disruption in the connection. The baby becomes increasingly distressed. However, when Mom reengages with the baby, the baby recovers and returns to the point of connection. I believe this is a natural cycle that happens over and over and over again throughout our lives. In relationship with our attachment figure, there is connection → followed by natural disruptions → followed by Repair. In short, Connection → Disruption→ Repair. What do you think is the most important part of that cycle? Exactly! The repair.
Over this next month, I want you to get curious about what types of events, conversations, treatments, disrupt the connections you have with co-workers, intimate partners, friends, neighbors or children who are already in your life. Write down what you are noticing and we will pick up here next month.