WEEK TEN: Build Your Community of Support

It is essential that we have a support group. We need people who see us for who we really are and love us despite our growth areas. We need someone who will really listen to us, not just to the words we are saying, but to the feelings behind the words. Do you have such a person in your life right now?

I am not talking about the person you call who when you begin to tell them your story or what is going on with you, they reply with, “Oh I know, that happened to me, too.” And then they proceed to talk about themselves. This is not the kind of support or friend we need when we are working as hard as we possibly can to be the change agent for our wounded child.

We need someone who will listen to us get in touch with our own childhood wound that is being triggered by our kiddo. We need someone who will not judge us for the pain we have endured or for how we are feeling when our child abuses us and it feels like an old wound. We need someone who can reflect what we are saying without judgment. Someone who can validate our experience and understand our pain is worth their weight in gold when we find them.

If you have such a person in your life, take the time to tell them how much you appreciate them. If you don’t have such a person in your life, begin by being that for someone else so you can attract such a person. It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable and allow another person all the way into your pain.

We often don’t even want to face our pain, so it makes sense that we don’t want anyone else to see it. We fear judgment and excommunication. I believe it is a primary need to belong. If we tell our friends how wounded we are, they may not like us anymore. This is a huge risk we take when we begin to trust another with our truth.

Perhaps there is someone in your world who can already fill this need, but you have not let them in. Consider letting them in today. Is there someone you can reach out to who is in need? If so, give them a call. We get the chemicals in our brains that we give to others. If you are in need of a friend, be one to someone in need today.

INTENTION: Who is your go-to person when things are wonderful or difficult? Set an intention to reach out to them or cultivate a go-to person in your life today. Write who you choose and what you are going to do to reach out to them in your Self-Care Notebook.

EXERCISE: Today, I am asking you to take this step and be this kind of friend to another, and be open to another person being this kind of friend to you. Pay attention to how it feels to give and to receive. I believe we get the gift on both sides of the friendship. Who did you reach out to and how did it feel? Write about it in your Gratitude Notebook before you go to bed.

Pay attention to what the experience is like for you and feel free to share your experience on our Attachment Healing Center Facebook page. Post on our Facebook to be entered in our drawing of self-care products..

SUMMARY of self-care routine. Please include writing in your Self-Care Notebook in the morning and your Gratitude Notebook in the evening:

·         When you get up in the morning, check-in with your body and ask, “What do you need from me today?” Listen and follow the guidance you receive.

·         Notice 5 positive things happening in your day.

·         If there is resistance to following through on focusing on you, write about it in your Self-Care Notebook and practice not beating yourself up about it.

·         Drink 1/3 of your body weight in ounces of water per day.

·         Scan for what you are doing to express self-love in your day.

·         Pay attention to the foods you eat and how they make you feel.

·         Add an aspect of quality sleep to your routine.

·         Add healthy movement in to your day.

·         Add a mindfulness practice in to your day.

·         Support a person in your life who can also be your support. 

EXERCISE: This is how resourced your Inner Well might be, if you have started more self-care. Draw a picture of your Inner Well at the bottom of the page on your Self-Care Notebook. How full is your Inner Well now compared to the first day? We hope you feel resourced and loved!