I certainly hope you are having fun on your healing journey, as we continue the focus on us, the parents in charge, being responsible for the emotional environment in our home. Are you noticing any changes in the way in which you and your family members relate to one another when you own your emotional response? So far in being the parent who CARES we:
C - Courageously own the pain that has just been activated by my child
A - Acknowledge the challenge and breathe into it
R - Regulate myself and get present
Now we are going to take this awareness even deeper this month as we
E- Embrace the pain within me and nurture it.
This means you are not to ignore what has just been activated by your child’s behavior, but rather you are to go within, love on yourself and your inner child and listen to what wounding from your past is asking to be healed. We don’t have to continue to carry around the pain we learned to survive. Our children, regardless of whether or not they are birth, foster or adoptive children are gifts to us, shining light on the wounding within us, their parents that is ready to be healed and released.
As I have the courage to heal my pain, I am modeling for my now 17 year old son how to own my reactions in any given situation and not blame the other for how I show up. The is gift he is mirroring back is in relationship with me, and his father, he now does the same thing. Just this morning he said, “I don’t know why I shut down when you ask me to do something. I am going to have to take a look at what I make that mean.” As my son takes on new responsibilities as a camp counselor, he is being challenged by all kinds of new relationships and as a result, he is reflecting more on his responses when he is challenged. The gift is that he does not just do this for folks outside of our home he does this for us as well. Today I smiled and made it a big deal when he owned his reaction and I applauded him for working so hard in being authentic and safe in his relationship with us. I invite you to notice as your child, partner or friends begin to mirror back your hard work.